I have nothing against vegetarians, I just would rather not be one myself. A bit like loosing a leg, contracting shingles, having gay sex, etc. – fine for others to do in private, so long as I don’t have to suffer. According to this 'scientific' pro vegitarian website, a vegetarian male can live five years longer than one who eats meat, but I imagine that such people are much more likely to treat their bodies more carefully anyway. And even if they do make you live five years longer, its not like they add five years to the beginning of your life when you are having fun, it is the five miserable years at the end of your life when you are too busy wallowing in your own shit to notice how good the quality of Quarn synthetic meat has become. I really don’t understand why vegetarians eat such products, which are designed to look like meat. I don’t much like the idea of eating a cow, so I don’t go and construct my beef in a cow like shape.
The worst bit about being vegetarianism is the food. Obviously. Vegetarians are always complaining that their choice is compromised when going to a proper restaurant, which is fair enough. Therefore when they set up their own gaff you would imagine they would provide you a wide range of meat free dishes. But instead of the two veggie dishes on offer in any normal restaurant, the Veggie Café at the University of Manchester, much like every other veggie café, offers just two dishes. What’s the point of that? And if you only concentrate on two dishes you would have thought that you could make them to perfection? Seemingly not. They get a small slab of lasagne or ladle of hot pot, re heat it in the microwave, then serve it with some bland cheap salads (think iceberg). You are then dazzled by an astonishing range of oils and dressings, but you then realise that there are actually only three, just multiple bottles of each. The ‘Veggie Café’, or ‘Herbivores’, as they are officially called doesn’t really offer a premium dining experience either. It has all the luxury and style of a road side greasy spoon, without the luxury of grease. You are greeted with the aroma of decaying dust, which is about as warm and friendly as the staff and light fittings (fluorescent). The tables are covered with a thick layer of lino, presumably to make them easy to clean when people die on them. There are pictures of horses on the walls, which just makes you wish you were eating one of them. Fancy a drink to go with your lettuce? A glass of water the size of a thimble may quench your thirst, if you are a quail. The food won’t fill you up either, which is a shame, as it costs £4 a throw. What terrible value for money – for 50p less you can get the largest and finest meal the refectory has to offer. For 21p less you can purchase a whole foot of Subway, which will keep you full for ages. For 49p more you can indulge in all of the Pizza Hut you can eat. For a pound more you can have all the Chinese you want. For just over twice as much you can have a massive two course lunch at the very chic Obsidian. I can’t think of anywhere in Manchester which provides worse value of money.
So when you leave feeling hungry and thirsty, you have to respect the veggies and what they do for their cause. I once tried it for two weeks, but gave up when the vegetarian option available in my school cafeteria was the bun from a burger (complete with meat juices). I made the decision to eat the whole burger and die five years earlier.
2 comments:
Haha, that is almost as long as my post, Joe. Very impressive. I thought you might have thought as much. For the record, I didn’t actually invalidate the vegetarian cause at any point within my blog, I think I was quite sympathetic if anything, due to the horrible food and surroundings they have to endure in the Veggie Café.
One rationale for vegetarianism you missed was the economic one, where people suggest that farming animals is greatly inefficient compared to farming crops, e.g. a field of grain will feed 100 people but if you feed it to a cow it will only feed 10. Therefore we could theoretically solve world famine by eating crops ourselves, not feeding them to animals.
If you read the (somewhat dated) ‘Things Can Only Get Better’ by John O'Farrell, he describes how he was once a subscriber to the above view of vegetarianism. However, one day he thought “bacon tastes nice”, ate it and continued to eat meat from that point. Also, I was reading someone’s column in the Sunday Times a while ago, who had a similar thought process and decided to eat meat again. He described the radical improvement he felt to his health after the change.
A friend raised a further point also. All restaurants (as far as I am aware) have a vegetarian option. However, many do not have a gluten / egg / dairy / wheat free option. These are medical intolerances and are thus not lifestyle choices, as vegetarianism is.
Finally, yes I forgot to mention the dog food thing. The woman in the Veggie Café with that horrible dog does infacct feed it MEAT. Ugh. I really don’t think dogs should be kept in restaurants either, even ones as classy as that.
Thanks for your comments, Joe, lovin’ it. Today’s Blog – Fair Trade. Oh wait, no it won’t be.
You knew it would be long before I posted a comment! :D
First off, that was a really funny post, well done! I particularly liked the bit about the lino. The veggie cafe is pretty dire, and overpriced - the only reason I go there on the odd occasion is because it's close to the library, open on Sundays, and I love their mushroom pate. The cakes are good and cheap, so if you eat anything, that's what I'd recommend. But you'll probably be in Jevons anyway.
Joe - start your own blog immediately. If not on blogger then by relaunching the rants section of your poorly website. Or your could even use Facebook notes.
Finally, and this is becoming almost as long as your comments, what kind of vegetarian am I? One who doesn't eat meat because I know what it was before, but who is happy for anyone else to eat meat, and will even cook meat for others... Do I get to be #6? :)
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