I have nothing against vegetarians, I just would rather not be one myself. A bit like loosing a leg, contracting shingles, having gay sex, etc. – fine for others to do in private, so long as I don’t have to suffer. According to this 'scientific' pro vegitarian website, a vegetarian male can live five years longer than one who eats meat, but I imagine that such people are much more likely to treat their bodies more carefully anyway. And even if they do make you live five years longer, its not like they add five years to the beginning of your life when you are having fun, it is the five miserable years at the end of your life when you are too busy wallowing in your own shit to notice how good the quality of Quarn synthetic meat has become. I really don’t understand why vegetarians eat such products, which are designed to look like meat. I don’t much like the idea of eating a cow, so I don’t go and construct my beef in a cow like shape.
The worst bit about being vegetarianism is the food. Obviously. Vegetarians are always complaining that their choice is compromised when going to a proper restaurant, which is fair enough. Therefore when they set up their own gaff you would imagine they would provide you a wide range of meat free dishes. But instead of the two veggie dishes on offer in any normal restaurant, the Veggie Café at the University of Manchester, much like every other veggie café, offers just two dishes. What’s the point of that? And if you only concentrate on two dishes you would have thought that you could make them to perfection? Seemingly not. They get a small slab of lasagne or ladle of hot pot, re heat it in the microwave, then serve it with some bland cheap salads (think iceberg). You are then dazzled by an astonishing range of oils and dressings, but you then realise that there are actually only three, just multiple bottles of each. The ‘Veggie Café’, or ‘Herbivores’, as they are officially called doesn’t really offer a premium dining experience either. It has all the luxury and style of a road side greasy spoon, without the luxury of grease. You are greeted with the aroma of decaying dust, which is about as warm and friendly as the staff and light fittings (fluorescent). The tables are covered with a thick layer of lino, presumably to make them easy to clean when people die on them. There are pictures of horses on the walls, which just makes you wish you were eating one of them. Fancy a drink to go with your lettuce? A glass of water the size of a thimble may quench your thirst, if you are a quail. The food won’t fill you up either, which is a shame, as it costs £4 a throw. What terrible value for money – for 50p less you can get the largest and finest meal the refectory has to offer. For 21p less you can purchase a whole foot of Subway, which will keep you full for ages. For 49p more you can indulge in all of the Pizza Hut you can eat. For a pound more you can have all the Chinese you want. For just over twice as much you can have a massive two course lunch at the very chic Obsidian. I can’t think of anywhere in Manchester which provides worse value of money.
So when you leave feeling hungry and thirsty, you have to respect the veggies and what they do for their cause. I once tried it for two weeks, but gave up when the vegetarian option available in my school cafeteria was the bun from a burger (complete with meat juices). I made the decision to eat the whole burger and die five years earlier.
